I fear that the random collection of thoughts aggregated in one post is dead now that everyone Twitters.

I am chockful of angry thoughts tonight. I just need to vent some of them.

The Philadelphia Eagles have signed Michael Vick. WTF? (I’m guessing this is, verbatim, a tweet that appears prolifically across the Twitterverse).

Senator Grasshole of Iowa said that his committee “dropped end-of-life provisions from consideration entirely because of the way they could be misinterpreted and implemented incorrectly.” Thanks to Dumb Palin America, you can pay for your end-of-life palliative care yourself. Wouldn’t want the government involved in end-of-life decisions, unless it’s Terri Schiavo’s life.

My kidneys are at 8% functioning. Today, I missed work, because my body was feeling like it was, as a whole, functioning at about 8%. I don’t have sick days to spare for days like this. It puts me in a bad worse super-shitty mood.

I’ve updated my Match.com profile. It says. “Hi, I’m Dave. My kidneys are failing, but I still know how to have a good time. My dog and I sit on the couch and watch Match Game reruns, while I play Mafia Wars on Facebook”.

I’m not sure it was clear last time I referenced my Match.com profile. I was kidding last time, and I’m kidding this time, as well. Sort-of.

Anyone ever try to read Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein? I’ve been trying to get through it for months. It’s all about how American economists wreak havoc in other places. I need to find lighter reading material.

I never bother trying to read fiction. I don’t know why.

But clearly, like I said, I don’t really spend much time trying to read in the first place.

I could write a blog solely about the incredibly stupid commercials that are run on GSN everyday. Senior citizen gets meds home delivered…so she has more time to walk “Daisy”. Because if she had to spend one hour a week going to the Walgreen’s, apparently, there would not be enough time in her very busy schedule to walk Daisy. You have to see it to know why that ad irks me so.

Yes, so many things irk me so. What doesn’t irk Toastie?

Pet pictures…I like pet pictures…here’s a view of Aremid from below…I’m in my sick bed, he’s on top of the bed…

I have been drinking a lot of Kirkland Diet Green Tea with Citrus, even though I don’t like it. And even though nobody makes a diet green tea with citrus that is any good, because everyone who makes this stuff assumes we all want our green tea without sugar to still be sweet, so it has sucralose. But it’s only $9 for a 35-pack of half-liter bottles.

I still have my Curtis & Barnes Biology textbook from college on my bookshelf. Why? Am I planning to go to med school?

I could write a whole series of blog posts entitled, “Why do I still have THIS BOOK on my bookshelf?”

I’m done. Sometimes it’s nice to write without worrying much about the notion that this is stuff that others might be reading. Then again, it’s possible to…well, now I’ve blown it, because now I’m thinking about that, and before long, I’ll be knee-deep in that black hole known as meta-blogging. I’m done for now. Enough.

According to urbandictionary.com:

toastie – The leftover marijuana in a bag after most is gone, usually the shake that is left.

This probably epitomizes how off in my own wilderness I am, but I really didn’t know this until today, until someone complimented me for being “bold” enough to go around calling myself Toastie.

I really should’ve made up a story a long, long time ago, but the true one about having received the moniker somewhat randomly without any known origin has always been pretty lame.

Random thoughts as I struggle with insomnia tonight…

Bandage on right index finger making typing difficult. I piece of nail broke off; it’s probably due to some vitamin deficiency since I don’t eat a balanced diet.

Have been struggling with chest cold for a week, kept awake at night by cough. Can’t take Nyquil as I can’t afford to miss work on account of sleeping until 1PM like I did back on Sunday.

Due to coughing, random sudden naps, who knows, my back is killing me.

I wish my pre-dialysis fatigue would surge right now just so I can get to sleep.

But fatigue is probably trumped by anxiety.

Anxiety at work…there’s always anxiety at work…three distinct reasons for it at the moment.
1. Workload problem now being tackled by micro-management. I have to set weekly goals and track progress against them. This is not the week for me to be starting this. It really doesn’t help me at all. And I don’t think it’s going to help my manager understand why stuff doesn’t get done.
2. Blunt reminder that, even if organization could afford latest versions of software I specialize I, I’d probably be relegated to supporting the legacy system while a contractor set up the new system. Professional development be damned.
3. HR and manager tried to help me figure out my “options” for after I go on dialysis. I did not want to think about this today, and they have no good options to offer, instead insisting that I plan on the “chance” that dialysis will render me incapable of working a close-to-full schedule. I told them that I go to work feeling crap all the time now and plan to continue doing so, and that I have no choice because I have no savings to absorb the income loss of reduced hours. Unless they have a sack of money to give me, they can’t help.

In a little more than 24 hours, I’ll be heading out of North Carolina for a mini-vacation for myself, a pre-dialysis escape from the all-of-the-above (as I expect my physical ailments to magically disappear, too). Undisclosed location, because I’m kinda sick of the Facebook-knows-everything-about-you way of living. If you do happen to know where I’m off to, please don’t post anything to my wall. Yes, I know, no one really cares where I’m going. The point is, it’s a trip by myself planned on short notice with the sole intent of getting away to clear my head for a few days.

When I return, I’ve got nothing planned. No social activities. No goals. No happy, shiny thoughts that will get me out of bed each morning. Surely, it is clear that this isn’t just about going on dialysis. But that doesn’t help. Not at all.

The web is filled with blogs and videos from all sorts of inspiring people who have wonderful attitudes in the face of staggering adversity. This isn’t one of those blogs. I’m not one of those people.

Thanks, c_pt

I am rummaging through my six-year-old desktop and found this web development effort:

I have no recollection of what I was thinking. Google existed six years ago. Maybe I was playing some online trivia game and was hoping to create a way to cheat. It’s like I was trying to make a World Almanac cheat sheet. Finding answers to basic trivia isn’t always as easy as a Google search…although it usually is.

Oh, well. There’s some insight into my desire to create stuff. If I continue to spend time rummaging through old computer files, I’ll surely find other examples of how I waste my brainpower.