Trying something different tonight. A brain-dump on several topics, but split into different entries based on topic. This way, I’m not lumping lots of unrelated tags into one post. And I’m increasing my superficial post and page counts at a time when I haven’t been posting much lately.
UPDATE (7/20/2010): Upon further review, this really doesn’t seem like a fun, fruitful activity. I’m tempted to censor and remove this post. I’ll just kinda hide it.
I blogged via iPhone Thursday night and didn’t post it. It’s probably just as well, but, at 2AM late Saturday night, it’s Ambien time again, and my self-censoring doesn’t work well right now.
I’ll block-quote this in case I have any observations 48 hours later.
New bed sheets! Rarest of occasions. From IKEA. I love IKEA. written by iPhone, got some ambien going on so there are my excused for a disjointed post.
Today, I assembled my big purchase from IKEA–a new chair. Maybe I’ll have a Pulitzer-winning post about that in the days to come. Here’s a spoiler: it’s a POÄNG. (For some reason, the website fails to list the combination that I actually got.)
Dialysis still a pain in the ass. No one left to blame. Garrulous patients, waking up to sweats, waking up to frigid air, being paralyzed in deep sleep after coming home, feelin feverish the entire time i am at work…no desire to do anything productive after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
No comfort to be told that my “numbers are great.”
I’m getting lots of advice regarding whether I should have my kidneys removed. It’s seeming like the doctors are going to leave this chilling decision up to me.
What good will having the surgery or the transplant do me?
A nephrectomy post is in order for someday soon. Nephrectomy…what a lovely word. Oh, and I’d be getting a double-nephrectomy.
Tonight, the Durham young progressives who go by that name that I will not explicitly address had what was probably a pretty neat confluence of the local progressive intelligensia (word?) I long ago decided I felt isolated from this group despite numerous attempts to assimilate.
Too many grad students and post-docs and artists and community organizers and bikers and tri-athletes and assorted hip people of the world…I feel like a NOTHING around these people and when I do go to something, I leave the gathering prematurely .
I have yet to find a way that would let me stay. I reached out a couple of times trying to get the magical answer from the wise oracle of community organizing. Too busy or my problem is too intimate for an answer to be provided.
These kinds of thoughts related to feelings of alienation occur whenever anything is happening around town that I think I’d be interested in if not for the feeling that I just don’t quite fit in. Unfortunately, this means I don’t go out and try new things. I become more and more isolated from people. I live, if I am to believe The Independent and Bull City Rising and Barry’s blog and other exceptional sources, in a progressive, smart, vibrant, fun city. But I stay in my house.
Tonight, I have found myself with writer’s block, obsessing over the point of this site. I am reminded of a post I made back in September 2008 called Block.
My WordPress admin page to Add New Post…I have a blog…what do I want to do with my blog…
I star dozens of Google Reader articles every week, ostensibly because I want to share them with people…but I usually don’t…because I don’t know if I’m preaching to the choir…or trying to grab the attention of people who might not otherwise care about something..and am I really making anyone care who didn’t before…or is it ok to just post something to make the point that I care about something…
I have more lousy experiences at dialysis than I chronicle in here…but everyone gets the point that dialysis sucks…what good does it do to chronicle it in detail…especially because I’d truly prefer not to think about it when I’m not actually there…
The occasional ramblings about feeling like a failure…Feelings along these lines bubble up far more than I choose to write about them in here…I don’t know what I am accomplishing when I publicly write about these feelings.
Pet photos…I keep taking ’em, and I keep posting ’em…the world must see my pets…
And why I’m reeling off thoughts about blogging tonight? I just noticed it’s been a week since I posted anything.
But I’m digging up what I had saved on my iPhone only, and you’ve read that. So this is sufficient for tonight.
It’s 2:35AM now. Sleep very soon…and likely sleep until I convince myself that it’s ridiculous to remain in bed any longer (likely 11 or 12:00).
Where’s the requisite pet pic?
I’ve been working on the new theme. The theme came with a dark-reddish blackground. I figured I’d go with that. Change is good. But then I figured I could alter that image to make it close to the blue that I have currently. So I tried to do that. After some analysis, I realized I had a purple-ish background, not a blue one.
My red-green colorblindness has impaired me in important decision-making from time to time over the years. One problem has been that I sometimes do not initially realize that a shade of purple is, in fact purple, rather than blue.
In this case, I figured, what the heck, I will go with purple.
Purple can be manly. Then again, what is “manly”? Interestingly enough, that will be the subject, I think, of my minister friend’s sermon tomorrow. If I can get out of bed, I really plan to go to this service in the morning. I’ll ask her about purple tomorrow, and what that might say about me.
WordPress 3.0 is out, and I will use that development as an opportunity to overhaul this site. Like many things of a technical nature, I never learned WordPress inside and out. Rather, I used functions as I felt I needed them. As a result, I don’t the half of what I can do with WordPress. I took a pretty lousy theme and made it into something I like. But that means I’m not using widgets, and all modifications are a pain.
I’m actually having a hard time finding a new theme that I like as much as my current one, but I think I will make do with something interesting that will look pretty good out-of-the-box.
I just need a project to work on.
Hmm…this is the 27850th most popular blog according to Technorati. I was 1,749,839th on 2/19/2007. May I crack the Top 25000 in 2010. That’s somewhat of a shallow goal. Let’s see if these rankings mean anything. Bull City Rising just won The Independent’s Best Blog award. BCR should be ranked, say, between 5000 and 10000 in the country. Let’s see…it’s appears, but it’s unranked. I must have some code somewhere that makes mine get a ranking. What about Dependable Erection? 24149.
Off that tangent…anyway, I’ll being working on the design of this blog over the next few weeks, just for my own learning experience.
I have this need to know how to do SOMETHING, and even if it’s not particularly ground-breaking to know WordPress, I want to finally KNOW WordPress after having played with it for three-and-a-half years.
(and some new pics of Aremid)
I’m sure I’ll spend plenty of time redesigning this site, and I’ll second-guess myself for starting this site, and I’ll face some sort of unpleasant reaction sooner or later, but it’s time to get going with this Toastiest site.
I haven’t second-guessed myself for starting the site, but I’m always second-guessing what I’m putting on this site. I’ve had my own website since 1995 and kept some form of journal since 1989. Having a blog seemed like a natural progression of both. However, what should I be blogging about? How much should I be sharing with the world?
I’m not going to go through three years of public LiveJournal entries to determine if there’s anything I regret having out there in the blogosphere. I know that I’ve had some pretty vitriolic comments just in the past couple of months. Opinions due change, so I may regret some opinions I’ve expressed in the past, but there are some basic raw beliefs I have.
There were 700 our so LiveJournal posts that I brought over to this blog, written between 2004 and 2007. Two-thirds of those remain untagged, just because I haven’t spent much time on cataloging. To be sure, the vitriol didn’t subside when I began Toastiest. However, I do often cringe when I discover that someone else I know is reading this. I worry that they are surprised and squeamish to find such high levels of seemingly intractable anger and melancholy. I sometimes retreat for awhile from any brash emotional display, but then I have one of those “jump the shark” moments where I let it all hang out, and it stays out there for perpetuity.
I just attempted to summarize my views on religion. That’s a tall order, and I don’t really wish to do that right now. I wish that my LiveJournal tags had migrated over here to WordPress; they didn’t. That would’ve made it easier to summarize my views on topic X or topic Y.
I do try to steer clear of religion more now than I once did. But the thoughts…the rants…are all out there. And after three years, there are plenty of entries on all sorts of subjects that I’ve vented my views on, wisely or not.
I’m going to change my Google mail signature to point to toastie.st. I imagine that some people who never knew I had a blog will be taken aback. I do have some trepidation of sharing this site with those who have known me much of my life and with those who just barely know me. But life is too fleeting for such worries
I suppose that’s essentially what I was saying here in 2010 a couple of paragraphs back. I don’t think I pointed my Gmail signature to this website for very long. But my Flickr site pointed to it (until two days). My Facebook profile points to it, but I don’t let all my Facebook contacts see the link. But my Facebook posts reference my Flickr pics…and my Twitter account, that mostly contains updates for this blog…so just about everyone who knows me has found this blog whether I intended for them to do so or not.
Yet, for all the people who know that David’s blog is Toastiest, and that Toastie is David (or, actually, more often, Dave), I still resist putting my full name anywhere on the blog or my Twitter account or my Flickr account. There is really only one reason left for this bit of faux-privacy-enforcement. I am paranoid that someday, down the road, when I may desperately need employment, I’ll be Googled, this blog will pop up, and I’ll be doomed. There’s probably already such a hyperlink out there, and I do often consider just sticking my full name on here so I’m not hiding behind a moniker. Not yet.
And there’s still the non-public blog, which shall remain non-public. A few people do have and others have had access to these posts at various times over the past three years, but I suspect I’ll be more reluctant going forward to grant this access to anyone else. Personal blogging is a tricky undertaking. I’m still trying to figure out what works best for me.
I gradually stopped writing semi-private posts in LiveJournal. I wrote completely private entries for my own use for awhile, but those have dwindled, too, as the public venting of private thoughts serves as some catharsis, however sane or not that may be. I still am trying to figure out what works best here.
Going forward, though, I will be blogging public thoughts here.
And still am, for the foreseeable future…
In my attempt to learn web skills, circa 1999, I’ve added SuperClock to this website. How is SuperClock better than a normal clock? You’ll have to watch it and observe for yourself. An earlier theme I used had come with a clock. This new one is homemade. So anytime you visit Toastiest, you’ll know what time it is! (Just in case you’ve inadvertently block your OS clock).
I wonder if I can get a trademark on SuperClock.
I changed my black-and-blue theme to white-and-black about a week ago. I’d had themes with black backgrounds for a couple of years. I thought I needed a change and should go to something a little more standard. Alas, I’ve decided I prefer a black background. I’ll probably continue to mess around with the stylesheet over the next few days. It’s the closest thing to “development” that I get to do.
If you’re usually reading this on Facebook or through some other feed reader, you really don’t care.
I’m just trying out the WordPress app on the iPhone. It’s certainly neat that I can easily blog from dialysis. I happen to have nothing to say, though. It’s cold in here tonight. Hmm…I can take a picture and have it inserted into this post.
It’s a cliche to say I love my iPhone. I really do. What’s that? Did I just admit to making a good decision about something?
(it’s hard to type while blood pressure cuff is inflating. I think I just made that more uncomfortable for myself by trying to type while it inflated).