Uncovered in a Toastie ’97 entry from Saturday, September 4, 1993, I wrote this for a freshman writing class.

Duke and drinking- I knew that the latter was embedded in the essence of the former, although this fact did not bother me in the least as I prepared to attend my university, Duke University. However, whatever nebulous blueprint I had conjured up for my first few days at Duke did not include the consumption of alcohol. Nonetheless, I found myself touring “the kegs” my first Saturday night at Duke. I found myself becoming immersed into Duke’s culture.

I certainly do not consider myself to have been a heavy drinker in high school. My social opportunities to drink were limited, and, thus, the occasions on which I drank and perhaps became drunk were very few as well. But I had been exposed to alcohol enough to know what effects it would have on me- my actions, my personality. While drinking always made me a more social person, as it does to most, I never drank to the point where I would lose the sense of who my true self was. Alcohol never compromised my morals or my emotions. And so one question which has pervaded my mind during my initiation into life at Duke has been, “What will my relationship with alcohol be now that I have entered a world which, much more than the place from which I come, truly embraces alcohol as part of its culture?” Introduction to “the kegs” at Duke has enabled me to begin answering this question.

The kegs. My “friends” from back home in New Jersey had to use their fake IDs to obtain them. Not until graduation-time did kegs even make an appearance at most parties (although that statement evolves from my very limited perspective of the high school social scene). But at college- at Duke- the kegs are simply a fact of life. Sure, they are supposedly banned on campus except for on weekends, but when the weekends do roll around, the kegs roll with them.

My cultural experience at Duke Saturday night found me among a small group of freshmen is search of these kegs on West Campus. I felt like an eaglet, gliding behind a few more learned predators, on a quest to find a party to descend upon. I had brought along an apparatus with me that I had heard might aid me if I happened to achieve the goal of finding a party. I plundered the Trent Cafe of a large-sized Coke cup which could be filled with 32 ounces of foaming brew. One of the elder hunters in the group led us to a small gathering of about a dozen upperclassmen. There were no other freshmen besides my wandering companions and me, and there was not much of a party, but there was a keg. And my Coke cup runneth over with beer. I downed the Super Big Gulp of beer in my hand and refilled for the unknown journey that would take me to the next party.

Next stop: Sigma Nu. Greek life. Okay. Of course, the significance of my first exposure to the world of frats did not escape me simply because the state of my mind was not completely lucid. As far as I know, this party epitomized the parties to come, although I am certainly no expert on the subject of frat parties at Duke. I observed casual contact between the sexes that I assumed would lead to much more in many cases. I saw the long lines of perspiring partygoers waiting for another refill of beer. A dark, crowded room contained the chaotic outlines of people dancing. Always self-conscious about my lack of dancing ability, I did realize that how I looked didn’t really matter to anybody. I was relaxed, and I was able to enjoy myself, which was a bit of a surprise to me. So I was just one of a hundred intoxicated souls, having fun. But I wonder how many of those people took some time to contemplate the nature of what they were experiencing. I am either blessed or damned with the tendency towards contemplation no matter what condition my mind might be in. What exactly was Dave doing at this Sigma Nu party? Well, this mind-blowing question would just have to be discarded, as my new contemplation was on the question of how I could possibly enjoy dancing and talking to a female whom I would probably never see or speak to every again. Does anyone pause in the middle of a keg party to consider such a thought? Does anyone else consider the such a thought paramount enough to relate to the female in question? Well, Dave does. Luckily, a couple of more beers and change of location ended my decent into the sober realities of my situation.

My last stop on my first tour of the kegs was “Pika” (Pi Kappa Alpha.) No contemplation here. Maybe I had another beer. One recollection I have is of an urgent need to relieve myself of what I had consumed. (I will not recount how I accomplished this task.) I also recall having a lot of fun and a lot of failure attempting to throw a guy’s hat up to his window two stories up. I had found a girl from my dorm at Pika, and so I did not have to experience any lonely emptiness returning to my dorm around 2AM. I actually engaged in some thoughtful conversation upon my return to my floor, but my first contact with my pillow sent me straight into a deep state of unconsciousness.

Two extra-strength Tylenol caplets at 5AM, and I felt fine upon waking up at 10AM. I did not drink enough to vomit or to lose that sense of my “true self.” And I actually had a good time.

I constantly contradict myself over the idea of drinking. I often disdain drinking and all that is associated with it. Behaviors and attitudes I have observed in others while they have been drinking have disgusted me, and I sometimes lose respect for myself when I realize that my short-lived contentment is being induced my alcohol. I have the highest respect for those who chose not to drink for whatever reasons they might have. What I have just said might indicate that I am against drinking. But I’m usually not. No matter how crude and senseless drinking may seem, I still want to do it, and I am still going to do it.

So I am obviously still very confused about my attitudes towards drinking. For God’s sake, I have been a freshman at Duke for one week; I am in an alien world. I think I should be confused. There is no doubt that kegs are a dominant part of the culture here at Duke, and I have no doubt that it will take some time before I figure out exactly how I fit into this culture. I think I have only begun to tap the kegs.