I’m unable to rest at all. This radiating pulsing sensation from this tiny spot on my ribcage is driving me insane. And now I’m fixated on just how woefully inadequate Duke Urgent Care was at addressing my needs today. The doctor didn’t actually exam me. She listened to my self-reported symptoms for 30 seconds. She didn’t bother to see where the pain is most acute. She did what all doctors who don’t read my chart do and suggested ibuprofen and then had nothing else to offer when I responded that I’m not supposed to take NSAIDs.

I’ve stockpiled lots of different meds over the years from bouts with various illnesses. I’m sorely tempted to try my own remedies based on what the internet tells me. No, I don’t think I’m smarter than the doctor. I’m just a lot more invested in finding treatments options for myself.

I’m recalling now all the times I’ve gone to urgent care over the years and I’ve been given antibiotics or antivirals based on a guess of what I might have.

…

2-3 hours later…

Going out of my mind. I do need a neurology referral, but I need the neurologist right this second. Have given up on getting rest and just trying to distract my brain in a way that makes it disregard this sensation.

PREFACE TO WHAT I’M GOING TO SAY NEXT. THIS IS JUST A THOUGHT ON WHAT OTHERS DO, NOT WHAT I AM GOING TO DO…

If you ever wonder how people die of “accidental overdoses”, I can completely understand right now. Forget emotional pain…if you’ve got some physical pain that you can’t figure out how to get any relief from, you may go through your medicine bottles looking for anything that might help get you to sleep. You might not wait to see if something works. You want the agony over with as soon as possible and your mind is not worrying about taking too much of something or too many different somethings.

I AM NOT PRESENTLY IN AGONY NOR WOULD I DO THAT IF I WERE.

I’d be in better shape of I had that reliable primary care provider. I should’ve have at least tried calling the new internist I haven’t seen yet to try to get fit in today rather than having gone to urgent care again.

Ugh.