Dear Mr. Toastie,

We are currently in the final stages of preparing Duke University Alumni Today, the first publication ever to feature directory listings along with photos and essays submitted by alumni. We need your help! A brief telephone call will ensure your listing is completely accurate and up-to-date.

Please, give us a call at your convenience this week so that we may verify your information with you.
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Thank you in advance for your cooperation in making this publication a success.

Um, the only way this publication might be a success would be if the year were 1982. Gee, I wish I had all my favorite Facebook profiles and blog feeds…in a book!

Not to mention that I can’t begin to describe just how little I care that Chaz Farnsworth III (Trinity ’98, Fuqua ’03, Law ’04) owns his own international finance consulting company in Manhattan, where he lives with his wife Kathryn Anne Whittingham-Farnsworth (Trinity ’03) and two children, Chaz IV and Madelyn Cameryn.

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Toastie’s in a bad mood today. Just today, Toastie?