I hadn’t been planning on a health post. This is not well-thought-out. Just stream-of-consciousness.

I feel like my body is shutting now. It’s really not. I’m sure the kidneys still have 8%-10% functioning in them. That doesn’t sound like much, but it’s what I’ve had for the last year, for the most part, and I survive, without dialysis or doing anything too special other than pop a few more pills than I used to.

Body shutting down = fatigue, legs feel like blocks of cement, entire being just feels exhausted.

I think I will probably take tomorrow off from work just to rest. I had some work to do over the weekend, and, combined with a couple of weeks of not taking much time off work, I think I’m due. Unfortunately, I am in a state where I don’t think I can really work more than three or four days…do anything productive for three or four consecutive days…without needing a whole lot of rest.

And it sucks…because if i were a little healthier, I’d probably be letting life pass me by anyway…at this point, I truly can’t help it.

I’ve had a couple of Procrit shots, but I don’t think they’re supposed to be magic. I think they probably keep me at 75%, as opposed to maybe being at 40%. I don’t know.

Why am I not on dialysis yet? My numbers aren’t quite bad enough. I don’t feel quite sick enough. And I dread starting it, so any argument that I don’t need it yet weights heavily for me. While I hear anecdotally that people can feel a lot better, I have a feeling that I won’t feel a lot better until I have my giant kidneys out of me and have a new kidney…and that’s years away, or what really seems like a lifetime, for me.

What a pleasant post…I know…but people ask me how I’m doing, and I’m always at a loss for words, because I don’t really feel comfortable telling people how I’m truly doing, even though I really want to…I feel bad for being such a downer…