Ironic Insomnia

I can’t sleep. I’ve got this blog I don’t write a whole lot in anymore. I’ve got these thoughts just spinning around in my head. The solution, however imperfect, is this…

Over the last couple of weeks, and especially over the last few days, I’ve been overcome with fatigue more than I am used to. I’ve been tired for years, for as long as I can remember, and I will not attempt to describe what that has been like now. This recent onset of symptoms has been more acute. I feel “bone” tired. I have instances of dizziness and vertigo. My limbs seem to fall asleep more readily than they should. My joints all feel tight. But I haven’t felt especially ill. I’m not getting headaches or stomach aches or fevers. I’ve just been really tired.

I’d be sure it must be time for dialysis if not for my latest bloodwork, which showed my levels essentially where they’ve been for the last few months–not quite what necessitates dialysis. I haven’t heard back from my doctor yet, although I haven’t tried until today to get some sort of dialogue going. General fatigue can be do to a million things, not necessarily attributable to my kidneys failing.

It would sure be nice if there was someone in the medical profession whom I truly trusted. I do not have a primary care physician, having been greatly disappointed by those I have tried to use over the last few years. I keep meaning to schedule an appointment with someone new, but no one who’s any good and practices close to where I live ever seems to have available appointments. So I rely on my nephrologist to be a primary care physician, and he really can’t function in that role.

So I’ve had this fatigue, and today it was bad enough to keep me at home and out of work. I don’t feel any better rested, and now I am stuck awake unable to get to sleep. No doubt I will be exhausted after the 4-5 hours I might manage to get and proceed to feel lousy at work, after which I may promptly take a long nap, and then find myself right back in this predicament, awake at 3AM.

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